If you watch the video below, you might feel a bit uncomfortable. That feeling is important. The clip uses a familiar film, Mrs. Doubtfire, something many of us remember as funny and comforting.
But when the music changes, everything changes with it.
Nothing else is different.
The same scenes. The same people. The same story.
Just a different soundtrack.
Suddenly what once felt safe feels tense.
What felt light hearted feels unsettling.
Your body reacts before your brain has time to explain why.
That reaction is exactly why we wanted to share this video.
For many children in foster care, everyday life can feel like this. Ordinary moments, a voice calling their name, a door closing, an adult stepping closer, can be experienced through a very different lens, shaped by what they have already lived through.
Not because the adult is doing anything wrong.
Not because the child is being difficult.
But because trauma changes perception.
When behaviour is communication
Children who have experienced trauma do not choose how their bodies respond. Their brains have learned to stay alert, to expect danger, even when they are now safe. This is why behaviour is never just behaviour.
Fear can look like anger.
Overwhelm can look like withdrawal.
Anxiety can look like defiance.
Children cannot simply forget their lived experiences. Those experiences stay with them. But with the right care, they can learn to feel safe again.
How therapeutic parenting helps children heal
At Hull Fostering, we teach a style of parenting called therapeutic parenting. This approach is rooted in understanding trauma, attachment, and how children’s brains develop after adversity.
Therapeutic parenting is not about fixing children or expecting them to behave in a certain way. It is about understanding what sits underneath their reactions and responding with calm, empathy, and consistency.
We support foster carers to
• understand how trauma affects behaviour and emotions
• respond in ways that help children feel safe rather than ashamed
• build trust slowly, through everyday moments
• support children to regulate big feelings over time
This does not erase a child’s past. Nothing can.
But it does help them live with it.
And in the right relationships, children can and do thrive.
It is ok to not get it right
One of the biggest worries people have about fostering is, what if I get it wrong?
The truth is, everyone gets it wrong sometimes. Foster carers are human. Parenting children who have experienced trauma can be challenging, emotional, and at times exhausting.
That is why you are never expected to do this alone.
Every Hull foster carer is supported by a dedicated fostering social worker. They are there to guide you, support you, and help you reflect. They will walk alongside you through the good days and the tough ones, helping you understand what a child might need and how best to respond.
Support is not something you earn by being perfect.
It is there from day one.
Why this matters now
Hull urgently needs more foster carers.
Children are waiting for adults who are willing to learn, to listen, and to understand that the same moment can feel very different to a child who has already been hurt.
If this video made you pause and think, "I get that", then you already understand more than you might realise.
And if it made you wonder whether you could be someone who helps change the soundtrack for a child, we would really love to talk to you.
Fostering is not about being perfect.
It is about being present.
And helping a child feel safe while they grow.
Please email fostering@hullcc.gov.uk to find out more.